Monday, March 28, 2011

How to be a Parent in 6 Hours

It was a monumental occasion yesterday as we participated in an "All-In-One" parenting class. Yes, we walked out after 6 hours of class and are ready to be be parents--everything from taking care of the baby in utero (let's face it, this is a little too little late, since this bun has been baking for almost 29 weeks) to post-natal baby care.

And the reality of the situation is that I am going to forget about 94% of what we learned yesterday but here are the key things I took away:

1) All mother products are ridiculouly named. Like the "My Breast Friend' nursing pillow. Really? Is that supposed to make me feel all warm in cozy while I nurse for approximately 10 hours a day?

2) I do NOT want a mirror in the deliver room. Enough said.

3) I am lucky to have Nate. There are dudes that totally don't care, are disengaged, or just seem like they want nothing to do with the process.

4) Women make weird noises when they are in labor. And in my mind I am not going to make those noises, but  in my heart my guess is the pain has to come out in some way and it will be weird noises.

5) Neither Nate or I can properly change a diaper, and our children will most likely be running around with their diapers on backwards 50% of the time.

6) Kids have to be in car seats until they are 35.

7) The size of a newborn's stomach when it is born is equivalent to a dice. But the question I still have about this tidbit of information is why I have to feed for 10 hours when the stomach is so small?

So those were my key take-aways. While at lunch Nate and I had a great discussion about the delivery room and we have decided Nate has 2 very important roles:

First, he is the Birth Ambassador. It's a very important job. Making sure that what we need to give birth is in place. It's all him.

Second, he is the Procurement Specialist. Another very important and flashy job that mainly involves getting things like water, ice chips and lots and lots of popsicles. There was this ridiculous video in class where the husband was shoving water in the wife's face every 5 minutes and Nate flat our told me that if I want something, I better just ask for it because he has no desire to be the Water Nazi. And thus, Procurement Specialist was born----a much better ring to it don't you think?

And so the journey continues.....


Anonymous said...

Did Nate pay attention when they were on the Chapter "What if you don't make it to the delivery room". Make sure the Passat has hot water and towels...:)) and that his cell phone is charged..would make a great 911 call on Good Morning America

Anonymous said...

Nate, in the event you have to "catch" the baby pick up a dozen fresh brats make sure they are wet, then try to pick them up at the same time. This is how a buddy of mine who was a meat cutter described catching his baby. They are slippery.
Uncle Todd

H.Maxwell said...

eh you got the rest of your life to figure out those details. :)

Anonymous said...

This will be just 1 more event where the 2 of you make a Great Team! 1 you will never forget! Love, Mom

emily said...

dad and uncle tod joke, but my newest niece was born only 15 minutes after casey got to the hospital. paul was driving 90 and on the phone with 911 the whole way there. my only advice is, "go in with a plan. and be willing to abort that plan at a moment's notice."

oh, and, keep that thing in there as long as you can. he's much easier to take care of in utero. that's why i baked mine extra long.