The Truth

We are back home to the wonderful world of Minneapolis after a whirlwind weekend in Branson. I feel it is my duty to let people across America know the final critical lessons I learned in order to ensure proper expectations of your potential trip.

So without adieu, here are the remaining lessons we learned.

1) Nothing is open on Sundays.

I'm pretty sure it is because Branson is the most commercially religious place in the world. We are talking "God and Country Theatre", the uber huge churches Bill Mahr makes fun of, strict rules on dress code at theme parks, and the most 'god 'paraphernalia I have seen in a 2 mile strip.

Needless to say, our trip was planned for a Sat/Sun. And there was NOTHING to do on Sunday. What we had planned? Ride on the Polar Express. NOT OPEN. Cowboy Christmas on the Trail, with a ride in a real chuck wagon. NOT OPEN.

2) Branson is the most commercially religious place in the world.

The only way to explain this is with this exhibit from the "Adoration Parade"

In case you can't read it, the sign says "We thank Christ for our Blessings. Happy Birthday Baby Jesus."

Really? You thank God for your blessings like this giant speed boat you have in the parade? Hmm....not buying it.

3. The Branson Adoration Parade gives the Viroqua Twinkle Parade a run for its money.

Reindeer, Long Horn cows, oh my!

 

4. After 24 Hours, all males need to start the day with a drink to survive.

 

 5. If you go to Branson, bring friends.

I'm not going to lie. This didn't quite deliver on what Katie and I were dreaming up of for our Christmas Wonderland. But had it been Nate and I only, I think we may have packed up and and hit the road right after Andy Williams (clearly the highlight of the trip), but with friends anything can be endured, and even if it can't we know it will make for good stories later.