Capture

"Slow down, you move to fast. You've got to make the morning last"

- Simon and Garfunkel

I am painfully aware how distracted I have been recently. I can't focus on what I really want to, which is taking in every last scrumptious second of Matilda before this baby comes. Between trying to get my desk at work wrapped up and in a really good spot, prepping the house for baby, prepping myself for baby (we are talking dental appointments, eye appointments, hair cuts, and home repairs people!), I can't seem to pause my brain or body to just be with Matilda.

And the really sad thing is, that when I am with her I am exhausted (see all of the above), and my body hurts. And she really wants me to lay down on the floor so she can crawl all over me. Or sit in my "lap" for long periods on end, which is just not all that amazing for me right now. And that exhaustion clouds my judgment and acceptance of those tiny, miraculous moments.

But I try to soak in every moment for what it is. Not with greater expectation or analysis of Matilda, or what we are as a family. This morning as I sat in the middle of the living room with her hat, coat and boots while she ran circles around me, I kept asking "do you want help getting your (fill in the blank) on", which was quickly answered with a "nope."

And so I waited. It wasn't worth the tantrum to force it on her. At least not this morning.  She eventually came around (10 minutes later and a 'well mama is leaving' shout-out).

Her world is so quickly going to change, and my ability (and patience) to wait it out, let her come to her own conclusions, and act on her own accord is going to be limited in the next coming months. So I am trying to let her, let us have these moments--sweet or trying--as they may be.

I want to remember how she snuggles with us in the wee morning hours (because she is our little early bird). Sucking her fingers, and holding onto my ear.

Her 'directing' skills, where she tells each of us where she wants us to sit for dinner, or play-time.

The demands for "baa baa" to be played on the record player.

The way she cringes when steps on anything that sticks to her foot or sock. Or her intense focus when she find something on her hands or fingers that isn't supposed to be there.

Her cautious demeanor in new situations. Taking in the world. Assessing it carefully before she acts. I predict we are going to be in trouble because she is going to have a high BS meter--and will see through any parental tricks we try to pull.

How she says "CHEESE" every time she sees a camera.

 How proud she is when she is helping. Whether it is unloading the dishwasher or folding the laundry (which usually consists of her taking the folded laundry OUT of the basket and putting it BACK in the washer.....suuuuuuper helpful).

Her love of routine and habits. Always following wanting to wash her hands before meals, after potty. Putting away toys after she has played with them. And getting frustrated when things aren't 'just so'...

Her love of a 'change of scene' and willingness to give anyone a friendly hello or good-bye. And her look of confusion when it isn't reciprocated.

Her continued love of books. And most recently, her grabbing her baby doll and reading her baby doll books before naptime.

I will hold onto these sweet moments, and remind myself to slow down and take them in as life is sure to speed up with the arrival of baby. A little less planning, less doing and a little more watching. More capturing. More appreciating.